Upon returning from Holy Ship!!, it seems like there’s been a void in my life.

When you step aboard this luxury cruise liner, you sign a deal with the EDM gods, you give them a part of your soul in exchange for what is sure to be the best 3 days of your life. Since Holy Ship!! has ended, my Facebook newsfeed has been flooded with posts from other shippers:

“Only 350 more days until the next Holy Ship!!…can’t wait!”

“Holy Ship!!, the best 3 days of my life,”

“Aaaaah! I’m going through Holy Ship!! withdrawals! How is everyone else coping?”

The Facebook newsfeed of a Holyshipper is an entertaining read indeed! Photos of Holy Ship!! scandals and shenanigans have kept me glued to my computer for days. Just when you think you’ve seen what could be the most epic photo or video yet, someone tops it by posting another that is even more incredible than the last.

The friends I left behind at home can only be described as ‘insanely jealous’ after they saw my Holy Ship!! album on Facebook. Most of them are making ‘plans to go next year.’

Loads of curious people have been asking me questions: “How was Holy Ship!!? I saw your pictures. It looked like a blast!” All I can do is shake my head with a huge grin on my face and say, “Words nor photos–not even videos–can describe how incredible it really was.”

However, if I were to try to sum it up in a few sentences it would go something like this. Imagine 3,000 of the coolest ravers you have ever met from all over the world, raging to some of the best EDM music you’ve ever heard, all while on a luxury cruise liner in the middle of the Caribbean, complete with a huge dance party on a private island. Sounds like a horrible time, right?

On top of all that, my personal experiences included having a drink at the bar next to Zedd, eating breakfast at 6am with Justice and Gesaffelstien and being invited to rage on stage with Skrillex, Crookers, Diplo, Major Lazer, Tommy Trash and A-Trak during what was probably one of the best DJ sets of the entire voyage.

The boat itself, the MSC Poesia, is like Vegas on the water with a casino and 5-star amenities. The ship staff, accustomed to a more typical cruise crowd, is blown away and thoroughly entertained by the drastic change of scenery when Holyshippers arrive (I saw many of them partying right along with us during their time off). Cruisers running around chanting “HOLY SHIP!! HOLY SHIP!!” can be heard at all times. Everyone is wearing outrageous costumes and doing outrageous things at all hours of the day. The madness doesn’t stop for 72 hours straight.

I was thoroughly amused when my friends and I decided to eat dinner on one of the boat’s 5-star restaurants. The maître d’ seated us next to a table which included a guy dressed up as a giant banana, a dude wearing a pirate hat and gold spandex, a scantily clad girl wearing a bikini and a super hero cape, and another kid who decided to bring his new girlfriend, a Kim Kardashian blowup doll seated next to him. This was all completely normal.

The only bad part about this cruise is that it’s only 3 days long, and before you realize it, it’s all over. At 7am on Monday morning, 3,000 zombie ravers are reluctantly being ushered off the boat and through US customs, back to the real world. Until next year…

To read more writing from the divine Mandi Kremer, visit her blog.

There was definitely no need for it though. The first leg of the SS Coachella was at less than half capacity. Plus, with shows going till 2 or 3am every night, this crowd needed to sleep in. Above all, the vibe on the SS Coachella, as it sailed from Ft. Lauderdale to the Bahamas and back, was relaxing, which is surprising considering how hot and intense land-locked Coachella can be.

One of the main appeals of concert cruises is to be able to see small shows by famous artists and get right up close. As Pulp played the voyage’s headlining performance, the balcony in the ship’s main theater was empty. One fan described seeing the British band that helped define the ’90s in such an intimate setting, as “a religious experience.”
In addition to all this personal space, the Silhouette was just completed just last year, and it really shows. The ship is pristine and stylish, with artwork that makes you stop in the stairwell and colorful, dim lighting everywhere. The food is excellent.

The dreamlike environment caught me off-guard. I arrived with my back up–ready for chaos–and it took a while for the luxury to sink in. The Black Lips blaring garage rock in front of a spray-painted banner helped me get some of the wildness out of my system. “This is the original electronic music,” said bassist Jared Swilley, holding up his bass. Note that I traveled within vomiting distance to take this photo. I emerged unscathed.
I wasn’t the only one blowing off some steam at that show. Actor Haley Joel Osment was there too. He was kind of the toast of the ship. People kept spotting him. Meeting him was kind of like winning bingo on a normal cruise.

Everyone was also talking about Warpaint. This all-female band was a lot of people’s favorite discovery on the cruise. Their powerfully mellow jams suited the atmosphere perfectly.
There was so much space to go around on the ship, that the second night’s headliner, James Murphy, was able to fit pretty much his entire audience on stage with him. It felt like a little night club raised four feet off the ground even though it was in the ship’s main theater.

The downside of the small crowds was that the cruise lacked the sort of unifying moment that defines other concert cruises. Unlike the 311 cruise, there was no big show on the top deck where everyone gathered together with the sea all around them. There was no big beach concert for helicopters to photograph. When the ship docked at the Bahamas, everyone went exploring on their own.
The access to performers was pretty unparalleled though. It seemed like the artist to fan ratio on the ship was about 1:25. Special events, like wine tasting with James Murphy, were either lightly attended or capped at small numbers. You could be sitting in the hot tub with someone for half an hour before realizing they were famous. Even Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker mixed and mingled with the “Common People.”

As I disembarked on the last morning of the cruise, I asked the sleepy sailors around me if it was worth it. They overwhelmingly said yes, typically nodding thoughtfully as they did. It seemed they had yet to fully wrap their minds around the blissed-out and leisurely music festival experience they had just had. I’m told the second leg of the cruise, which is at sea right now, sold much better. I hope so, and I hope the SS Coachella returns to try to break their own record for a classy, relaxing and hip cruise experience.

Since Pulp is much bigger in Europe than the US (three top 10 hits in the UK in 1995 alone!), most of the Europeans on the ship were huge fans. This gentleman rocking a green sweater and tie came all the way from Norway.

This trio from California looked more ready to make trouble in Vegas than have a soak in the hot tub.

And this couple, particularly this ornate white dress, was bringing the overall classiness up substantially.

Father John Misty, aka Josh Tillman, wore wool pants and boots to his acoustic performance on the grass deck. He said he’s been on tour for a while and that’s just what he had in his suitcase, adding, “What I put on in the morning is what I wear on stage. It feels dishonest otherwise.”

The other wardrobe option on the ship seemed to be going all-out nautical or just plain weird. Check out these Popeyes.

They later reappeared as Santas. In the 80 degree weather, it was easy to forget Christmas is just around the corner. Thanks for reminding us in time to pick up some last minutes gifts in Nassau!

Bros were born to yacht. Check out this dude’s casual captain outfit.

Despite the fact that there’s no sailor in the village people, gays were born to cruise as well. This disco captain seems to be turning some heads.

Some people can just be themselves and not be missed. Hours before his midnight set by the pool, I found the Gaslamp Killer rocking his trademark rasta meets LMFAO look on the deck. “You can’t take a picture of me, but you can take a picture with me,” he said.

I managed to find a way into the first of two editions of this activity—which, according to the two presenters, was the first time they had ever spoken about wine in public. The Celebrity Silhouette’s wine bar was laid out with cheeses, breads, and palate cleansing snacks, and we were greeted with a taste of a lightly sparkling white wine. The 25 or so fans allowed in the room circled around Murphy and Chearno for an intimate discussion, as others gathered outside enviously.

Before things got started, I was a bit skeptical. On a major cruise ship complete with a Gucci store and duty-free liquor, I thought this was sure to be a big sales pitch. Quite the contrary—attendees were handed a pamphlet in which each winemaker was pictured over a lovingly written profile. In fact, when I tried to buy some of the wines we tasted, presenters and waitstaff alike were flummoxed and it took some doing to make it happen.

Indeed, this was a labor of love. Once Murphy started talking, it was clear that to the widely adored and imitated musician behind LCD Soundsystem, the winemakers were the rockstars. In fact, Murphy and Chearno helped the wine novices in the room comprehend their seminar with a music-industry parallel. Here’s how it breaks down:

Winemaker = Band
Wine distributor = Label
Wine = Album
Vintage = Song

Since wine can’t be tasted over the Internet, they explored the idea that wine is the new music, because you need recommendations from friends. Both presenters spoke knowledgeably about the differences between organic, biodynamic, unsulfered, and natural wines as waitstaff poured.

When one fan asked where one might buy such wines in Toronto, Murphy, full of random geographic knowledge from the tour circuit, immediately offered a wine shop recommendation. Others began quizzing him on St. Louis, Milwaukee, and other cities, and, amazingly, he could field about 75 percent of the queries off the top of his head.

Chearno described each wine in accessible language for both beginner and wine-nerd. And after tasting through half a dozen different bottles and hearing the stories of how Chearno and Murphy discovered the wines and stayed with the winemaker in France, or how they were led to this wonderful winery by a really interestingly bad bottle they had discovered, both hung out to answer questions and pose for photos. They seemed genuinely surprised by the turnout and excited to do it all again three more times before the SS Coachella wraps up its second leg at the end of the week.

ShipRocked 2012 was amazing. For us, though, it was on more than just a music fan level. While we got to experience the euphoria of seeing some of our favorite artists (both on and off the stage), the joys of being entertained by an attentive staff, and the wonders of doing it all aboard a fantastic cruise ship, ShipRocked offered us an unprecedented networking opportunity.

It is pretty difficult to describe having a relaxing dinner with Clint Lowery (of Sevendust) and his wife, hugging Morgan Rose (also of Sevendust) in the Bahamas, passing Sully Erna (of Godsmack) and Ivan Moody (of Five Finger Death Punch) in the casino, high fiving Jason Hook (also of Five Finger Death Punch) on deck, fist-bumping Travis Johnson and Chris Howorth (of In This Moment), and sharing buffet lunch with Ray Luzier (of Korn)… and that was just the first three days. We also got to chat with one of the masterminds behind the cruise and give thanks to some of stage crew. Everything about this cruise is simply unbelievable – real people, real music, real fans, and really good times.

The MSC Poesia has been home to ShipRocked since its inception. 2012 was year number four for this cruise beyond words, and this year was especially indescribable because the entire boat was booked as ShipRocked. Putting together so many people that have at least one thing in common creates such an amazingly positive atmosphere. No one has to feel alone on this cruise; we are truly one big happy family… \m/

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For more photos of ShipRocked, like Annandale on Facebook.

When you’re playing essentially the same songs at every show, the stage banter is an often under utilized venue for variance. Tillman kicked off his performance at the Wonder Ballroom with “Funtimes in Babylon” and a shout out to recently arrested Fiona Apple. He proceeded in classic, caustic style to tell the audience to “Shut up and let me entertain,” and “I want you to fucking dance right now.” Tillman offered a begrudging “Thanks for coming,” and explained, “It’s hard to say earnest things into a microphone.”

I’m told that earlier in the day at the Bing Lounge, Tillman grabbed some nearby logo signs and held them in front of his face while giving the crowd the bird. The audience eats this up, both because it’s surprising, and because Father John Misty is tight as hell and sounds absolutely perfect live. As Tillman swigged a Stella Artois through the Wonder Ballroom set, I kept waiting for his voice to crack or miss a note, but he never did.

This iconoclast routine should be in rare form on the SS Coachella. I can’t wait to see what Tillman does with the schlocky- band-on-a-cruise-ship cliche he will inevitably address. Furthermore, fans who paid hundreds of dollars to be on that ship might as well have targets on their foreheads. They’ll be rewarded for their expense with what is sure to be some of Tillman’s best stage banter to date.

Image: Tillman performs in Seattle by Amber Zbitnoff of ssgmusic.com.

Girl Talk – Saturday at Pioneer Courthouse Square. “It’s Saturday night in Portland,” says Gregg Gillis, aka mashup master Girl Talk, as he stands on his DJ table in front of 5,000 people at the festival’s biggest venue. “We’re going home for a little while after this, so it’s our Saturday night too!”

The crowd takes a little while to warm up to Gillis’ dance party, which finally gets going in full swing in its last hour, once darkness falls (the show has a 10 o’clock noise curfew). Near the stage, it is a sea of raised hands, cheering every 60 seconds or so every time Gillis drops a new artist into the mix. If this is Saturday night, imagine what’s going to happen when Gillis and a few thousand fans are all on vacation together on the SS Coachella this December. The cruisers will be hard pressed, however, to outdo the Portlanders for outrageous fashion choices. Sequined daisy dukes? Enormous superhero boots with tights? These fans would have looked better in the sweat suit Gillis was sporting. -JM

A-Trak – Friday at the Wonder Ballroom.  It’s nearly midnight, and I thread through the sweaty crowd to catch A-Trak’s headlining DJ set, which is already underway. It’s hot and steamy as droves of attractive young hipsters and hip-hop heads are getting down. The dark ballroom flashes with strobes and colored spot lights causing dancers to lose inhibitions and creating a hypnotizing effect. All are lost in the music, but A-Trak is clearly the star and master of ceremonies as he sways the crowd with slow, bass-heavy rap and then seamlessly slides into high-energy rave music.

A-Trak’s true gift is his turntablism. He’s on a one-man mission to prove that scratching isn’t dead as he keeps the beat going while throwing in scribbles, 8-bit sound effects, and novelty records from thrift bins. His mash-ups are impressive as well; I swear I heard Kraftwerk and the Beastie Boys being played simultaneously at one point. A-Trak is one of the rare acts around that holds his own as an artist as well as keeps the party going. He’s got the skills to keep the good times rolling on this year’s Holy Ship!! cruise for sure. - Jake Rose

Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit – Thursday at the Roseland Theater. I’ve heard that even non-English speakers understand the underlying message of most country songs. The sound of longing is universal, apparently, and the traveling song man is always longing for home.

No where feels further from home than the sea, but does that make it a good place for the forlorn stylings of Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit? I ponder this as the Alabama band warms up the crowd for the Old 97′s. The man has skills, that’s for sure–he plays guitar like a heartbroken Stevie Ray Vaughn and sings like a homesick Ryan Adams–but is this the sound track to paradise? Some of the more upbeat acts on the upcoming Cayamo Cruise might be a better fit for the Caribbean. But if the promoters have the foresight to book Isbell and his crew late at night, in say, the casino, that could go just perfectly. - Jason Simms 

Image: Girl Talk tries to find a sea breeze in downtown Portland.

Some will argue this is the band’s first real reunion since it will include Kevin Richardson (baritone, goatee) after a six year absence. For a band that has been coming “back” since 1997, there’s not much more back they can come than this.

If this account of the 2011 voyage of the SS Backstreet is any indication, the Boys mingle thoroughly while on the ship, which is a huge plus for fans. Be sure to scroll down to the part where security pounces on the author for violating the no-touching Backstreet Boys policy, only to get waived off by one of the artists themselves.

Naturally, this cruise–which, like many of the best concert cruises these days, comes complete with a private island party in the Bahamas–is a dream come true for a hardcore Backstreet fan. But it may also be a dream come true for a single guy who doesn’t mind his ladies with a bit of nostalgia. Guys, the ratio on this cruise is going to be incredible. And when the fans get shooed away from touching the talent, you’ll be right there to catch their swoon. Think about it.

Follow all the updates on this cruise here on ECR, or on this BSB Cruise blog.

The Colbert Report has aired interviews from last weekend’s cruise all week, wrapping up the series tonight with the Flaming Lips. In addition to a fun way to bang out a week’s worth of guests in one shot, the Colbert cruise–which took over the battleship Interpid–sets the bar pretty high in the race to have the biggest, most elaborate concert cruise on the seas.

“Does Bonnaroo have cruise missiles? I think not,” said Colbert when he announced his concert. “It’s summer and that means it’s time to remount my long-running, one-year tradition of throwing my own summer concert.”

In fact, summer is far from high cruise season. But the remark seems to comment on the rapidly changing landscape (or seascape?) of music festivals.

When we learned last week that the Mayhem Cruise was canceled, we like everyone else who had planned to go, were disappointed and wondered what happened exactly.

This week, I got the chance to interview Scott Ian for an upcoming feature on Anthrax in The Oregonian. While I had him on the phone, I asked him for his thoughts on the cancelation, since Anthrax was to be one of the voyage’s headliners. Here’s what he said in its entirety.

 I saw the press release, and we were as surprised as everybody else. We were literally out on the Mayhem Tour when we heard that the cruise was canceled. It’s a bummer. We were all really looking forward to it. It’s funny because us Machine Head, Lamb of God, we’re all good friends, we’ve all known each other forever. None of us had ever been on a cruise before. We were all in Europe this summer playing festivals together and we were like, “What do you think of this cruise thing? What’s your take on it?” Everyone was kind of like, “Alright, it’s a little weird, we’re going to be stuck on this boat for four days,” but everyone was excited that we were going to get to hang out and all get really shitty and have a lot of fun. I know all of us were bummed and I heard from the Machine Head guys that they were bummed. Yeah, I don’t know why [it was canceled]. I can speculate and think that maybe in this economy, it’s kind of tough to sell a ticket for that much money. You get all these bands and it’s three days on a boat, if you break it down to what it’s costing you per day, it doesn’t seem like a lot of money. But I understand where we’re at in this world in 2012. People just don’t have that kind of money to shell out. I can only assume it comes down to that.

I think it would have been great to see all of these bands truly enjoying themselves as they discover the joy of cruising on their first voyage. One wonders why fans can support other concert cruises, but this one couldn’t reach critical mass. Perhaps the flaw here was in booking acts that toured the US with a festival sixth months before the sail date. In any case, I hope Anthrax and the rest of this lineup finds their way to the seas at some point.

Image: Scott Ian performing with Anthrax on the Mayhem Festival. By Curtis Lehmkuhl for Sun-Times Media.